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Choose happiness ❤

Strawberry mango smoothie! Yums

It’s officially summer break!!!!!!! :)

This beauty came home with me today!

Smile because tomorrow is my last day of finals!

It is always hard for me to leave my baby.

Let me tell you something about me. I am a fighter through and through it was the way I was brought up. I will fight for everything that I love and believe in. As most of you know I was in a mentally abusive relationship for many years and it has taken its toll on me. During the relationship I was in denial, plain and simple I just loved him more than life itself. No one I repeat no one could make him seem like a bad guy to me. But February of my junior year of high school he did that all himself by breaking my heart. It took me months to be able to look at myself because I told myself that I caused it, that I wasn’t good enough to be with him. I walked around in a daze for weeks not really living but just going through the motions. The only thing that kept me sane was pitching(softball), my friends and family. The day before my birthday I was in “our spot” when he walked up. He told me that he had made a mistake and that he loved me and was sorry for everything. I left immediately knowing that he would just hurt me if we were to rekindle our relationship. We stayed apart for 9 months then we had decided to give it another shot. He was one of the only friends I had at this moment because of something me and my two bestfriends from high school were going through, D being one of those two. I still chose to kept that we were talking again from EVERYONE. I know now deep down I knew it was wrong but I loved him. Fast forward to graduation we were finally together again but I still kept it hush hush and never talked about it. I wouldn’t even accept his the relationship thing on FB because I didn’t want everyone to know how pathetic I was for taking him back after everything he did. Around that June I started completely trusting him again. We were perfect during this time I was so happy and everyone knew it. In July I had gotten a job at the store right next to his with his help, which was amazing when we were together. The end of September we were going on a date when he told me he wanted to marry me the sooner the better. I was shocked he said it and he was as well. Two days later he sent me a text message that once again crushed my world. Thinking back on it now I didn’t really cry because I knew he would do it again it was like I was staying around waiting for it to happen. I saw him almost every day for a year because of our jobs. We went through periods of hate then friendship for almost 10 months when I told him I was tired of it, that we needed to be friends or nothing at all. Of course he chose friends and we started hanging out outside of work without people knowing of course. We would go to different towns just to hang out or we would sneak out at 2am to meet in our spot. I loved our friendship and how I could talk to him. I still love that to this day he was my bestfriend for 8 years. This past July he had asked me on a date I doubtfully said yes. As soon as I hopped in his jeep I knew I wanted out. The whole time I was unhappy not smiling once. When we were at dinner he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said NO! I had stood up for myself and said no. I immediately left and called my mom to come get me. He followed me outside and said some of the meanest things I have ever heard come out of someone’s mouth. One of those things was that I would never be anything and would never have someone stay in my life who didn’t leave and replace me with someone they thought was better. At this point in time everyone had done this to me. I left knowing I would never be good enough for anyone. I cried all the way home all over what he had said that no one would stay. It has taken me almost two years to say that I know I deserve better and I know someone will come around who will fight for me. It has taken me two years to know that I am good enough to be whoever I want even if I do doubt it some days. I know now that I am better off without him. I know that he has caused me more pain from the way he made me feel about myself. I also know that the people that are in my life are lucky to be here and deserve my friendship. They know I will fight till the end and I hope they would do the same for me. I just wanted to let y’all in on what I have gone through. This was vague but it gives you an idea. I was making myself unhappy. I work on it every day. I hope to some day soon wake up and just be me again happy, optimistic, smiley Lindsay.

When you see this many veggies on the cutting board you know it’s going to be a good dinner!